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How We Aren't Kind to Ourselves

Updated: May 2

What I’ve Noticed

I’ve noticed a good share of people are not being kind to themselves. I will be honest sometimes I fall into that category as well. Eek. I know the wannabe positivity expert isn’t always kind to herself. Yep. It’s true. I also think that a great many other people have noticed that they fit into that group too. Even the media I follow is talking about it. It is a hot button issue in the circles I am in and also in the mainstream media as well.

What is Happening

People are being downright bad-mannered to themselves. Consider it a little bit. Reflect on how you speak to yourself. Pretend you are recording exactly what you are saying inside your mind to yourself and about yourself throughout the day. Then if you were to listen to what you say to yourself, I am sure it would shock you because you are talking even worse to yourself than you realized. I can guess that some of you might be calling yourself stupid for example. You might be saying, “Why in the world did you do that?” or “You could be doing better”. I have heard from a lot of people that they beat themselves up for not sticking to a diet or not doing their exercises when they plan on doing them. Some people I have talked to are fretting about how they didn’t follow their routine and are telling themselves that they could have done so much better.

I Bet You Were Taught This

Your mother most likely taught you to be nice to others. So, why aren’t you using the same premise for yourself? You are your greatest ally, right? So, why in the world wouldn’t you want to be your best friend? You are taught to be supportive of others so they can be on the top of their game. So, why are we aren’t being that way toward ourselves? We could lead ourselves to be unsurpassed in everything we do.

What Do You Think About This?

You probably don't like that you are being nasty to yourself. I know you want to change that you're doing it. But you would like yourself to say, “I am doing the best I can.” Or when you are having trouble, you would probably like to offer these words, “I think you need some help with this. Can I help you?” That would be the best way to communicate with yourself.

Now when you say to yourself, “I am being so stupid.” What does your body say? What does your brain say? Let's think about it. I bet there's some tension in your muscles. They are probably screaming, “Can you stop treating yourself this way. It makes us feel crummy.” I bet there's frustration from the overall situation but also from the fact that you're talking offensively to yourself. And then, well, you think other messy thoughts about I probably shouldn't be talking to myself like this. You know, those thoughts like, “Man, if I think about myself in this way, am I listening to myself?”

So, What Do We Do?

So how do we stop doing this? How do we stop saying, “I'm stupid?” or “you're so ugly” when we look at ourselves in the mirror. Well, first of all, you've got to notice you're doing it. You should take a step back and watch our thoughts. After you've noticed the tone and the words, you're using each and every day take a whole day and just think about it. Take time to reflect on it. Think about the improvements you would like to make in how you talk to yourself. Then say, I'm going to work on noticing every time I do this and trying to just pick out that you are creating these thoughts. After you’ve done that for a day or two, then it is time to give your brain a chance to change a few thoughts at a time. Don’t try to change a ton at a time. That could lead to some overwhelm. Just take it slowly and calmly. Like a friend would. Just say, “Hey, friend, don’t beat yourself up. Be nice. It’ll help you out in the long run.”

It's not going to be easy. It's going to be very hard. I do it all the time. I'm not perfect at it. You’re saying, “But you're the wannabe positivity expert.” Yes. But we're all human. But I do catch myself now more often than I used to. I say to myself, “hold up. I don't like how I'm making myself feel. What should I be telling myself?” and I say something else. Like, “Okay, I did make a mistake, but I can change it and do something different next time” or “Hey, I am not stupid. I made a mistake. That is fixable.”

So Now What?

From now on we work on this like a honey bee. Diligently.


Yep. You will have to work on this from now until forevermore. It is a skill like any other. You have to practice it. You will be good some days and bad on others. As my coach taught me, there are seasons in life. You never know how you are going to be in each season. I have found that I am just arriving at a new season of life and I am making huge strides in this area. I am catching myself doing this more and more.

I hope that like myself, you can create a skill in which you improve in this area. I am in total belief that you can. You are an amazing person. I am actually sure you can do this.

So Go Now. Be Safe. Know That You Are Not Alone.

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