Laughter: Finding Light Again

There was a stretch of time when I didn't laugh very much.

After my medical challenges began, a lot of the days blurred into one long, heavy thread.

It wasn't that I didn't want to laugh.

It just... felt far away.

You know, that laughter had just floated into space and no one not even Capt. Jean-Luc Picard could get it back.

But recently, I realized that if I wanted to feel lighter,

if I wanted to fight back against the heaviness without fighting myself,

I needed to find my laughter again — even if it felt small at first.

So I made a choice.

I chose to bring comedy back into my days —

not random comedy, not overwhelming noise —

intentional, gentle laughter.

I found a comedian whose humor is pretty clean and light-hearted, someone who could make me genuinely smile without feeling overwhelmed or stressed afterward.

(Thank you, Gabriel Iglesias. FLUFFY!)

And little by little, laughter started to feel possible again.

It didn't erase the hard things.

It didn't undo everything I was carrying.

But it created small openings.

Moments where my shoulders relaxed.

Moments where fear loosened its grip just a little.

Evil English Boss Lady -See She Eats Books

One of my favorite new tools came from someone very close to me: my son, Jax.

When we were struggling with fear about teaching and completing English lessons, about stepping into new roles that felt overwhelming,

Jax — in his own wise, hilarious way — created a character.

He named her "the Evil English Boss Lady" — a villain based on a real teacher he didn’t like very much. Who, by the way, he has had last year too.

And just like that, fear had a face.

It wasn’t this enormous, shapeless anxiety anymore.

It was a grumpy, ridiculous boss-lady character we could laugh about, tease, and ultimately defeat. And we can't forget that everytime we complete Science we improve our base. Let's just say science is his favorite.

Any time fear tries to sneak back in, I still think of her —

and I smile, remembering how we turned fear into something we could name, laugh at, and overcome together.

These tiny moments of humor are teleporters to the laughter now for both of us. (Sorry, I don't sell these teleporters. You have to create your own. And I suggest you have a tiny human at the ready to help. lol.)

And this is not like creating armor that hides my heart. It is more like a door that opens up your heart so you can remember the good.

Because sometimes strength doesn't look like gritting your teeth.

Sometimes it looks like smiling when you thought you forgot how.

Sometimes it looks like choosing to laugh, even when everything says you shouldn’t be able to.

And today, I'm grateful for every breath of laughter I've reclaimed —

and for the little warrior beside me who helped me find it again.

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Closing Thoughts

Through this journey, I realized something simple but powerful:

No matter where I am in my physical healing,

no matter how heavy things feel sometimes,

I still want to laugh.

Even when it hurts.

Even when it feels impossible.

Especially then.

I'm so grateful that I found a way to make laughter part of my life again —

a way to breathe light into the heavy places.

And I hope, if you're reading this,

that you find your own way to create laughter too —

in the darkest moments when you need it most,

and even in the happiest moments when you just want to hold a little more joy.

Because laughter isn't just a reaction.

It's a choice.

It's a blossoming.

And sometimes, it's the way back to ourselves.

Go Now. Be Safe. Know That You Are Not Alone.